Train of Thought
by We love us
Summary: Edited and reposted. Anger and lust take place. Jane has had enough of hiding her feelings for Maura. So she goes to confess but it all goes down the drain when Maura reacts in a way that wasn't meant to happen…g!peen, au-ish, ooc-ish Maura


_I have to release what is in my imagination before I can actually continue writing chapters, It's like a brain-fart. I don't own anything….You might hate Maura in this, I don't know._

_Probably the longest introduction chapter I've written for one story. Tell me what you think….._

_**EDITED:** sorry, noticed misplacement after re-reading it. Exactly why I can't do it without having to read it hundreds of times. I am a bit dyslexic._

_Warning: g!peen. Ooc Maura.._

**Train of**** thought****  
___…_Will you ever love me?  
Like I love you –  
It takes a long time for acceptance****___…_**

Sometimes, it burned her chest. It made it harder to breath, to think when she was around Maura. She could be joking and laughing the next moment, but quiet and dumbfounded when her friend entered the room. She was captivating. Riveting in her beauty. She could make Jane want to impress her, with all the strength she had and the (little) intelligence she knew of. Anything for Maura.

It was frustrating to know Maura wouldn't feel that way.

To know she was off-limits when her friend was engaged, it pained Jane. She wondered if she took the chance to confess that Maura would've reciprocated her feelings. Probably not. Maura gave no indication of feeling anything for Jane except for friendship.

Today, she had to attend to some pre-wedding party consisting of all women. Jane, Maura, her Ma and a few others. But she didn't want to mingle with anyone other than Maura.

Sighing, Jane got up from the couch, grabbed her keys and went to head to Maura's. All the while thinking, _I'm just setting myself for heartbreak, aren't I?_ As daunting as it was, Jane knew she couldn't keep it to herself anymore. She wanted the relief of knowing Maura knew how she felt – whether or not their friendship would be ruined.

It was a chance she had to take.

**-i-**

She arrived early, she guessed by the shock that flashed over Maura's face. Jane shuffled in the doorway, rubbing the back of her head awkwardly – _why was it so awkward now?_ She wondered.

"Sorry, come in, Jane." Maura made a sweeping gesture with her arm. Jane inched past Maura, afraid of the keen eyes watching her every movement. Did she know already? She shook her head.

Jane made her way to the kitchen counter, sitting on the stool. She leaned against the marble counter and studied Maura. The medical examiner was glowing with happiness. A morose sigh escaped her, Jane stared wistfully at her friend. Wishing it was her ring on that slender finger, but she knew that reality was not that forgiving.

She had to say it now or else she would lose nerve to ever say it.

Rubbing the palm of her right hand, she picked at the scar gently. "Maur?" Her voice cracked, she wished she took a drink of beer to ready for this. The tall brunette shook her head. _No, I want to lay myself out in the open. No matter how hurt I may be, her friendship comes first. If she'll want it…  
_Jane thought, feeling anxious.

"Yes, Jane?" Maura smiled sweetly, tilting her head slightly.

Her stomach clenched. All or nothing.

"I'm in love with you." Her breath expelled in one big whoosh. Jane observed the floor, listless in her thoughts. _She'll be disgusted with me…won't trust me no more…._ Despondency laced each one.

"Oh Jane…" Maura sounded breathless. She looked up, Maura looked absolutely ravishing with that flush crawling up her chest. Her throat dried at the desire welling up in her being, she throbbed between her legs.

"Maur?" She called out curiously, wondering if this was a delayed reaction from her friend or acceptation. Every muscle in her body was tense, ready to fight or flight. Her heart pounded when Maura closed her eyes to draw in deep, calming breaths.

The flush went away – Jane wondered how far the flush went down. And then wondered what was the cause of Maura's flush. Arousal? No, it couldn't be. Maybe anger? Most likely. Or else her friend would be doing those breathing exercises.

And she hadn't replied for ten minutes. That was long enough for Jane. She didn't want to hear anymore than she saw of Maura's body reaction.

"L-Look, I'll just head out – it's clear I'm not welcomed here anymore." Jane jabbed her thumb at the kitchen door behind her, slowly inching her far from Maura.

She turned, exiting the kitchen and into the dining room to where her exit from this pain was close. But the scent of Maura assaulted her nose and arms wrapped around her from behind. She was tackled to the floor, her arms reflexively keeping went in front to push her face from smashing the floor. Maura's body weight was light enough that Jane twisted her body to face her friend.

"Wha-?" She was cut off by lips hungrily consuming her – taking every essence and taking her soul. Maura tugged on her hair, pulling her head back to pepper kisses along her neck. She gasped in surprise when Maura nipped her pulse point with her teeth, tasting the sweat that dotted there. Jane shivered, she hadn't expected this...From Maura, no less.

It felt primal. Angry, almost. She was confused for a second before Maura distracted her with another kiss – one that stole her every breath away and set her heart on fire.

Her hands found themselves resting on her friend's hips, encouraging their rocking motion against her abdomen– where she could feel Maura's wetness seep past the lace panties and desperately not trying to give away her secret to Maura. It would only make it much harder for Maura to accept her – Jane knew the subject relating to her male genitalia was a sensitive one for her. And it would break her heart if Maura would hate her. She shifted uncomfortably, concealing her hard-on for her friend was difficult enough.

_She's driving me crazy – at this point, I could care less if she knows or not._ Jane let her fingers slip past the soaked fabric and into Maura, who moaned lowly into her ear and rode her hand. Maura was slick with arousal, she didn't have a problem slipping in two fingers and groaned at how tight Maura felt inside. And so incredibly hot and soft against her fingers. She could imagine this heat encompassing her. Jane closed her eyes, leaning her chin against Maura's shoulder as her breath grew ragged and seared the inside of her mouth at how aroused she felt.

Her penis was rock-hard, having Maura in the palm of her hand – literally – made it almost impossible to ignore her own desires. As much as Jane wanted to unzip her pants and slip into Maura before fucking her senseless, she would have to stop this. Before it got out of hand but Jane already knew it was out of her control the moment Maura whimpered into her ear sweetly and trembled against her body. Her hand was drenched as Maura's pussy seized her fingers and convulsed for a thirty seconds then slumping against her boneless.

Jane slipped out slowly, feeling Maura's muscles twitch every now and then. She lifted her hand and the urge to taste Maura was overwhelming. Her hand shook as she bought it closer, eyeing it as though it was her only salvation.

But the touch of Maura's hand dipping past the waistband of her pants, Jane drew back, startled. Now was not the time to let Maura know, she already confessed her love for her friend. Maura didn't need to know of the perverse penis on her. Besides, she was still confused about Maura suddenly jumping her.

"What was that about?" That was the first thing out of Jane's mouth. The silence she didn't notice before but now it rung in her ears.

Maura smoothed out any wrinkles in her skirt. Her usual composure back in place. Hazel eyes met hers coolly.

"What else? A pity fuck."

The words ripped Jane's heart apart. Her mind blanked. This wasn't Maura – but Jane knew instinctively, it was. Pain and anger clashed; anger won. Jane shook her head, her hands fisted. Her teeth bit down hard on her bottom lip, drawing blood but she could barely register the sting and the metallic taste.

"That's funny you say that since I was the one doing all the fucking and having you pant in my ear like a bitch in heat." Sarcasm – what a great defense system and time delay against the tears that wanted to fall. Jane wasn't going to show Maura how heartbroken she truly was. If anything, she was going to prove how strong she was.

Maura had the decency to look shamed before it was wiped off her lovely face.

"Maybe this was a mistake – me, confessing my love to you." Jane had left before her heart broke anymore, slamming the door behind her. _Maybe I read into everything._

**-ii-**

She took three weeks off and planned a sudden vacation to some place across seas she couldn't pronounce. It was in Scotland, she knew. She read up on it briefly to book a hotel there. Jane bit her lip.

It had been three days since that incident with Maura. She wondered if this was the end of the greatest relationship she fucked up. The tall brunette sighed – sometimes she wondered why she even bothered. And what bothered her was Maura's cold voice. Did she do something to anger Maura? Jane reflected on the past few weeks but found nothing out of the ordinary.

She didn't have time for these thoughts. Her plane was in an hour and she had to get to the airport now. She left her Ma a voice mail to take care of Jo while she was gone. Jane needed time alone to herself – without the hindrance of her family worrying over her.

By the time she arrived at the airport, with three suitcases in hand, her brother, mother and Tommy stood there. Probably to see her off, Jane had to allow the amused smile to curl her lips and roll her eyes. After hard moments, she knew she could count of the consistency of her family to be there. The back of her mind allowed one name to come forth – the one person she loved more than her own life and every drawn breath and heart beat:**___  
_**

_Maura._

"Janie?!" Her Ma's voice drew her out of thought. Jane was drawn into a tight embrace, her suitcases were picked up by her brothers. Her Ma let go and dragged her to the security check. Jane eyed her mother warily.

"Where's Maura, dear? Usually she'd be here by now."

Her throat tightened, a lump settled there. Jane croaked out, "I didn't tell her." Her heart clenched in pain – the agony she experienced after crying her eyes out for a whole day than taking her anger out of the dummy she gotten as a gift. Her Ma looked astonished then suspicious.

"Did you do anything to piss off Maura?"

Scoffing, Jane crossed her arms. "Hardly. She was the one who went bat-shit crazy on me." She didn't want to talk about this anymore – it hurt to think about, let alone – remember.

"Language, Janie. I'm sure she had a good reason."

"I'm not too sure about that this time, Ma. I haven't spoken to her in three days. I doubt that is going to change any time soon." Jane said, taking off her boots, belt, jacket, etc. off to put them in a basket before stepping through the security check. Jane didn't like this, it felt like an invasion of her privacy but she knew it was for the safety of passengers. Especially after the incident of 9/11, security measures were strict and observed with keen eyes.

"Well, Ma, this is where we part for three weeks. I'll phone everyday." She rolled her eyes, sometimes wondering why her family wanted to know every little thing she did.

**-iii-**

Strong arms wrapped around her waist when she laid down in the bed, lips trailed up and down her neck but Maura pushed him away. His erection pushed at her from behind. "Not now, Mark." Her heart was broken. Her mind kept replaying Jane's anguished face over and over as she told her it was a 'pity fuck.' It was anything but that.

Why did she react that way? It was a dream come true when Jane uttered those words so softly, so reverently as though they were a prayer. But all Maura could feel was anger bubbling up, why? Because when Mark proposed, she didn't expect it and wanted Jane to save her from answering. Besides, the one she wanted to propose for her hand in marriage was not some guy, but Jane.

But Jane didn't save her. When expectant eyes looked at her, Maura forced a smile onto her face and nodded. Tears prickled at her eyes, but they weren't of happiness.

"Come on, babe. Just one round," he pressed on. Maura felt disgusted, she didn't want him in her at all. The impression of Jane's fingers inside her would be there forever, she couldn't be satisfied by his dick. She could imagine Jane, hair wild and slick with sweat. Jane would be pumping into her, Maura always marveled at the musculature of her friend. She needed Jane more than she did oxygen.

Her hips bucked up, urging Jane to go deeper and faster. She moaned, her hands gripped strong shoulders.

_Jane…Jane, Jane, Jane!_ Maura's back arched, her orgasm was close, her toes curled, heeling digging into a firm behind.

"Jane!" She shouted as she came, feeling her mind blank. Mark stiffened and pulled out. His expression of disgust.

"Jane? That's whose name you call out? Fuck you, Maura." He ran out of the bedroom, taking some clothes with him.

Maura rolled onto her side, sobbing. "Jane… I'm sorry…." Her tears soaked the pillow, heart aching with an emptiness she didn't bother pushing away. After all, she deserved it for the way she treated Jane with her callous words.

Words she didn't mean to say.

But it didn't matter, Jane was gone. Angela texted her that half an hour ago.


End file.
